I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
