Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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