im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
