Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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