i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
