Me too!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
