the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
