dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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