You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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