i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
