I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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