his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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