im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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