then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize