He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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