how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
