K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
