I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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