And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
