if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
