Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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