you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
