she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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