im drinking this country out of the recession.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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