It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize