I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
