THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize