if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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