Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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