I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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