This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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