hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My ass is underappreciated
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
