so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
