Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
