I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
