What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize