I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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