Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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