Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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