if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
