WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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