Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
