I just made out with a guy for $7.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
