May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she peed on how many people?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
