I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
