Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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