good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
