I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
