Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
