I think I died a long time ago.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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