Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
