I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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