Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
