i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
