What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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