That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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