im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
