dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had to cum in my sink.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
