I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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