Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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