I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
