Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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