I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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