she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
