I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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