sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
