I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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