You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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