Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
