she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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