I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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