Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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