he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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