its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
