New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
