I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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