dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize